How do you show yourself Love?

This is a touchy subject for most, because we more than often tend to put others before ourselves. Overtime making self love an unknown territory for most.

I didn’t start loving myself fully until the end of 2020. So many years spent just going with the flow of life not truly reflecting on previous years, or on what I could do to be a better version of myself. My time was spent focusing on what others' perception of me was, & how to people please, without truly realizing how much work I had to do within myself.

We live in a world where standing out is frowned upon, where in order to feel valued or like we have a voice, we have to dress a certain way, act a certain way, or keep up with the trends.

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind" -Romans 12:2

The Cleanse

In 2021 I decided to take a social media cleanse in the middle of starting my new blog, and releasing a summer collection for D’s Jewelry Shop. Most would say that wasn't a good call, seeing social media “plays a huge role in views, and clientele,” but that’s all subjective. What was a good call was choosing ME! The biggest step I made was taking a very hard look in the mirror and seeing I hadn’t grown over these years, I hadn’t learned, but most of all I hadn't listened.

When was the last time you truly did a self audit?

So I chose ME! I chose to say no, I chose to let people walk out of my life because there is a blessing in every lesson. I took a hard look at the people I kept in my circle, and I truly began to understand the saying that the company you keep is truly a reflection of yourself. I saw how much energy social media took out of me, and how much it affected how I viewed my life to be. I saw how far I was behind and how much I had to work overtime to get where I needed to be. I realized that growing isn't just an every year thing, it's an everyday thing. Most of all I realized God was giving me the answers I just wasn't listening to him.

Ask yourself, do you pour into yourself like you pour social media, your job, or your loved ones ?

What self love looks like

• Taking the time to get to know your likes and dislikes because they change over time.

• Being kind and loving to yourself, which can come in different shapes and forms. (positive self talk, working out, watching what we are putting into our bodies)

• Forgiving yourself for past, present, and future mistakes,

• Looking in the mirror and truly loving and accepting yourself unconditionally

• Asking yourself the hard questions, how am I feeling today? Does how I’m living work for me? What feels right?

• Taking the time to rest, which most of the time means saying no to someone else's needs.

• Which brings me to my last step which is saying yes when you want to and no when you don't.

What worked for me

The time I spent on social media, I gave to God!

I stopped speaking negatively to myself (adding fuel to the fire never brought any positive results).

I took away social expectations- when I say the relief I felt of not having to post but giving myself the option of posting what & when I wanted to, has been the best feeling.

Building my strengths!

Focused on what success looks like to me- It’s different for everyone, so don’t compare your idea of success to anyone else's views.

Self-Compassion- You can’t have self love without going through the act of self compassion.

Live Gratefully- Not only having affirmations, and positive self talk but truly living a life of gratitude.

Smile more- When is the last time you actually just smiled!

Finding the humor in life- we often focus on all the bad life throws at us that we tend to negate the good.

Learning it's OK to ask for help- seek counsel. Being a black woman, our culture is often taught that counseling is only when things are going wrong, or when you need help. That's far from the truth, you should seek counsel when things are going good to keep you on that path and to give you tools for when things do arise along the way because they will. Look at it the way we pray if you truly have a relationship with God you don't only go to him in times of need, you talk to him daily.

Set boundaries-people will treat you the way you allow them to. So set boundaries and they will either respect them or leave either way you have peace.

Self care routines at home- stay home when needed, everything doesn't need to be done outside.

Speak your piece- if you have feelings that need to be spoken, be honest and respectful and say your piece. Stay true to your values, morals, wants, and needs.

Surround yourself with positivity!

Remember you are loved!

The truth behind self love is not having to justify why we take a social media cleanse, why we said no to going out, why we chose to be who we are, who we chose to keep around or for that matter let go. You choose what adds quality and beauty to your life, not the world!